Infertility and adoption

I am in no way the best blogger, although I happen to be prolific at my TV show blog. But somehow I feel like I should say something, anything to both gather my thoughts and make sense of the things around me. And spinning in my head right now and so many times is the topic of adoption. I am very much into children´s right and advocacy and the matters of children remain very dear to my heart.

I also happen to be pretty much infertile.

It´s the honest truth. I am diagnosed with a syndrome called PCOS or polycystic ovary syndrome which is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. I am not completely infertile. I do have a chance of getting pregnant but that chance is remote and I will require additional medical help in order to facilitate a pregnancy. However I am well aware of the risk and possible bad outcomes of invasive procedures such as IVF that are meant to help with pregnancies. The cost is also unimaginable. I have thought this through well and long and I know I am not willing to put myself through the trouble of having invasive medical procedures all to get pregnant. If anything were to wrong or the fetus were to die/the pregnancy wouldn´t work out I know in my heart I wouldn´t be able to handle it. I know that those kind of procedures are often successful but I am not willing to try them. I am simply such a weakling that I can´t imagine doing something like that to myself, get my hopes up and start dreaming only to have them crushed because the pregnancy won´t work out. It might happen over and over again. And that is something I am not willing to try or to go through. I am certain of that.

That´s why I have started to look into adoption as a serious option for myself later in the future if I ever wish to become a mother. I am not even certain I want to be a mother. But if I one day do, I am going to adopt. My child will not be biologically related to me but will come from another family. It´ll be the child of another person that I will bring up. And that does not bother me one bit. I am happy that I might one day get the chance to raise a child of another ethnic origin and race. I am happy that I might get the chance to have an open adoption where my child will have relations both with it´s adoptive family and with it´s family of origin. I am happy that I might one day get the chance to discover and come to love another country and culture and try my best to teach my child about it´s birth culture and origins and cultivate respect for it. I am happy that I might one day get to experience the challenges and joys of adoption.

I am not naive when it comes to the matter of adoption. I have done substantial research on it on all sides of the matter. I have studied/looked into attachment, ethical matters in adoption, open adoption vs. closed, the special challenges of international adoption, institutional care and it´s effects on children, identity issues that arise with adoption and the grief process and the reactions of the birth family to adoptions. I enter this with my eyes wide open and am constantly educating myself on it.

I intend to share my thoughts on adoption and it´s issues in more depth over the next days. There is so much to say and ponder and so much I want to share my thoughts on.